I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Randomize
