he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
