Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
