oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
