When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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