I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Randomize
