You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
