she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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