i don't like sucking hair
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
