Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
