that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
