glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
