Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
