I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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