So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I am midnight drunk by noon
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
