I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
