One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
