Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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