yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
