I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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