Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
