he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He did a backflip because drugs
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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