Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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