I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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