I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
