dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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