so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
