Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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