Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
