You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
