i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
