That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
