Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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