Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
