he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
