Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
