Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
