So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
