Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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