Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
