when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
dude. I can hear the air.
im on a boat
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