Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
