actually, I'm a sock model
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
