Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
