Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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