I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
