State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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