my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
