i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
