well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
