Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
