matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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